Hint: it's Jack. This time, we leave nothing out. Mike, Bill, and Kevin will host and perform an in-studio riff of the complete film, including those 13 never-before-riffed minutes. There will be solrpnls, bark beetles and animals such as seals! So grab a coat hanger, fire up your solar powered TV and for the love of god fully vest your stock options! Show includes: Welcome Back Norman Perc! Tompkins Best Week Ever, Mr. Show, Tangled We had a blast doing this show with such brilliantly funny folks, and we know you will too. RiffTrax: bringing Sketchfest to your Couchfest. Seriously, non-stop.
Leaving notes under our windshield wipers. Lurking outside our windows at night, softly whistling the Torgo theme. Polite, perfectly friendly facebook comments. All new jokes, same old Torgo.
Before the main event, a live riffing of two extra-demented shorts. And Welcome Back, Norman which introduced us all to revolting folk hero Norman, along with his now famous and also revolting catchphrase. The time is now! Hey kids! Marching band! Join the marching band to win the acceptance of your peers who are also wallowing away in the grim social purgatory of marching band! Anyways, this is the plan that our hero Buzz comes up with. Buzz did the right thing: just do what the crazy lady MAN!
This classic music educational film, first seen on MST3K and riffed in its entirety for the first time ever as part of our Kickstarter rewards, is a chance to see an all new take on the beloved Mr. Silly guy! So grab a pointy hat, strap protective goggles on any lunar bodies you know, and join Mike, Kevin, and Bill for A Trip to the Moon!
Folks, there is no dancing around this issue: the plot of the first ever Norman short is that Norman uses a public restroom. Is this a pleasant experience for Norman? How dare you ask that question. This is Norman we are talking about. Having bad experiences with toilets is the closest thing he has to a personality. Fortunately, the director made the choice to film the entire short in stark black and white, to really amp up the despair factor, and also the sense that this might have all been found footage from a restroom surveillance camera.
This lends the short a noir-ish, Bergman-esque touch to scenes such as Norman begging for change in a public restroom, and Norman overflowing the toilet. See where it all began in: Norman Krasner. The guys behind Mystery Science Theater make fun of one of the worst video game movies of all time. Watch as they add color commentary to choice cuts of the terrible Super Mario Bros.
Which, if you haven't seen it, is really terrible. It's like watching cats die. RiffTrax gives their special treatment to Starship Troopers. The topic? That is a totally fair and totally 90s! Just how the 90s would have wanted it. And, since it was new to most people, ridiculous depictions of the internet ruled 90s movies. In this special, we take some of the biggest offenders to task.
Then we have The Lawnmower Man, which predicted that the future would mostly be about polygonal virtual reality sex between giant dragonflies. Spot on! Get your sister to stop using the landline so you can dial up and join Mike, Kevin, and Bill for 90s Cyber Thrillers! The cubbies from Setting Up A Room. But for our first ever Best of RiffTrax, we wanted to focus on some of the more overlooked villains in our catalogue.
After that, there can be only one For Best of RiffTrax: Villains, we've pulled some of our favorite moments from riffs of the past, along with host segments by Mike, Kevin, and Bill. If you like what you see and have a suggestion for a future theme, be sure to let us know! Fresh out of the grave and ready to download or stream! This classic horror film is where it all began.
Pause to think about whether this is a good thing. The rest of the movie plays out like The Big Chill, but instead of Glenn Close sobbing naked in the shower, they board up windows and occasionally get devoured alive. So in this respect, Night of the Living Dead is the slightly less depressing movie. Molotov cocktails! Exploding cars! Headshots galore! Their solution is brilliant, if a bit of a non sequitur -- they launch a plan to kidnap Santa Claus!
Voldar takes Santa and the children prisoner and heads off for Mars. This is an alternate version of our short What's Happening? A giant demon bat is terrorizing a Mexican village! It bit a cow. He thrusts his camera in the face of irritated Mexicans and demands information about the demon bat that these people have never heard of, since they presumably are spending all their time dealing with real threats, such as the Chupacabra. This episode was so goofy we ended up riffing the entire thing.
Meet Dominic. We completely understand. So like we were saying, this guy is in love with a goose named Maria. He slowly walks around a park and she follows him. The goose even flies next to him as he rides around on a Vespa. Eventually, Dominic has a severe Vespa accident, possibly because there was an enormous goose flapping around right next to his head while he was trying to drive. Oh, and at some point in time Maria appears in an OK Go music video. Watch it with your loved ones, who are hopefully not geese. Finally, the acclaimed smash hit RiffTrax Live event of is now available to own!
Not since Snakes On A Plane had the internet been so excited about a movie, and not since the late 90s had anyone been so excited about anything starring Tara Reid. From the moment it debuted, Sharknado was one of the most requested titles in RiffTrax history. Look, why are you still reading this? Matthew Broderick stars as Dr. Niko Tatopoulos, because obviously when you have a character named Niko Tatopoulos, you get Matthew Broderick to play him.
And in all the commercials they showed that part where the guy gets stomped on. Somehow this is a two and a half hour long movie. Anaconda stars a pre-fame Jennifer Lopez, a post-fame Eric Stoltz, and an Owen Wilson who even then was somehow ashamed of his role in The Internship despite it not happening for another sixteen years. Then Eric Stoltz gets stung and paralyzed by a venomous wasp, so things are really looking up for our crew when they encounter Jon Voight.
Voight has been obsessed with hunting down a deadly anaconda ever since the snake tricked him into selling his beloved Chrysler LeBaron to George Costanza. From then on, things spiral into a deadly game of cat and mouse, one where the cat is played by a snake, and the mouse is played by Danny Trejo. How many movies can say that? During the Swing Parade craze of the s, it was hard to turn your head without encountering a Swing Parade.
With the popularity of Swing Parades soaring, a full length motion picture was inevitable. Unfortunately, the film we got was clearly rushed out to capitalize on the Swing Parade fad. How can we tell? There doesn't appear to be a single damn Swing Parade in the whole movie! Instead, we get the Three Stooges, who wouldn't know a Swing Parade if it bit them on the Perhaps we're overreacting here. After all, a movie with mannish landlords, songs about blind mules, and Larry must be pretty ripe for mockery.
And if it's called Swing Parade but does not feature any actual Swing Parades, then all the better! The Peanuts Halloween classic probably gives you the warm fuzzies every year, but it's not exactly LOL. This was a proof-of-concept created to test Rifftax's video-on-demand system. The complete short was never recorded. Director Herk Harvey certainly knew his audience and knew how to deliver the goods. The fact that Carnival of Souls is now sold in color will increase your enjoyment tenfold! To be precise, the data from the National Enjoyment Council shows a Grab the unsanitary drink of your choice and begin the enjoyment!
From the strange and ridiculously colorful world of K. Gordon Murray comes the Holiday classic Santa Claus. Made in Mexico and dubbed into glorious English, Santa Claus tells the story of, well, Santa Claus, who lives in a big white castle above us in Geosynchronous Orbit and watches over us all in a way that would make the NSA jealous. The tension mounts - will Santa be able to foil Pitch and his minions, will he save Christmas and get poor Lupita her doll?
The answer is Yes, of course, this is a Christmas movie, people! Come on! He bravely manages to get himself stuck almost immediately. Cooper, a fearsome catfish, and someone to lend him money for a plate of curry. Will Richard track down the legendary Mekong Flesh Eater? Will he button his shirt? Will he mistake a floating log for a monster in a particularly chilling scene?
The answer to one of these questions is YES! Oh, those weird wacky animals, will they ever learn? You like cheetahs? You like raccoons? You like rats with a penchant for devouring their young? Are you doing okay? Mike, Kevin, and Bill take on some of the funniest, most unbelievable vintage shorts we've ever found, live in the beautiful Castro Theatre with a crew of hilarious guest riffers!
Hilarious guest riffers, you ask? Like who, you go on to ask? Hey, thanks for asking both of those questions! Joining the guys on stage we've got John Hodgman, Paul F. Laughs are laughed! Friendships are formed! Affectionate attachments between certain guest riffers and certain educational short characters are also formed! Rifftrax riffs themselves from midnight. A classic tale of boy-meets-girl, plant-eats-people featuring Jack Nicholson in one of his first film roles.
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Seymour's exotic plant has an insatiable appetite for blood and flesh. As the ruthless plant grows larger and larger with each feeding, so do Seymour's affections for shop girl, Audrey. The madness culminates with Seymour and his bloodthirsty plant in a feeding frenzy of epic proportions. This timeless cult favorite is pristinely restored in high definition from rare 35mm elements. William: From Georgia to Harlem.
Answers at last! Country boy and overalls-with-no-shirt-underneath enthusiast William finds his world turned upside-down when his family picks up and moves from drab rural poverty in Georgia to bleak urban poverty in Harlem. Because, you see, William moves from Georgia to Harlem. I get it now. Harlem is a strange new world for William, as he struggles to get along with Calvin, a kid with an inexplicable and extreme hatred of tractors.
When a terrifying hardcore gang aka, a few kids who smoke cigarettes attacks William and Calvin in the park, his small town values are put to the test. Will he survive? Will Calvin ever get over his weird tractor thing? One of the best things about litter used to be its versatility. You could just throw it anywhere! Plus, it encouraged improvisation: If you put your mind to it, anything could be litter! Food scraps, old batteries, syringes, grandpa.
Just toss it at the feet of an emotional roadside Indian and be on your way! Sharknado 2! Our smash hit summer live show is now available for download and streaming! Including the delightfully bizarre puppet-and-invisible-boy short, Parents: Who Needs Them? It, too, is too good to be true! Internal shark chainsawer Ian Ziering is back, along with Tara Reid as his ex-wife who kind of likes him now, ever since her douche-y boyfriend got eaten by a shark in their living room. This time the titular weather event hits the city of New York, right as all the gruff and busy inhabitants are trying to walk, over here!
And no famous landmark is safe from their wrath, including perennially grumpy New Yorker Judd Hirsch. Live audiences loved it and now you can too, forever and ever in digital form. It's , and the Biker Ninjas behind the Miami drug trade are finding themselves facing the newest heroes in town: the Taekwondo-loving rock band Dragon Sound! They'll focus all of their black belt skills, alongside performing their hit songs "Friends" and "Against the Ninja" at a popular Orlando night club - to end the threat of Ninja Biker violence once and for all!
Richard Terry is back, and the soup is thicker and browner than ever! Shrugging off the embarrassments of the Demon Bat turning out to be a Regular Bat and the fearsome Naga river monster turning out to be just some ripples on the water caused by his cameraman taking a leak, Richard unbuttons half his shirt buttons, flips his camera to night vision mode, and heads to Brazil! Along the road to eventual disappointment and inevitable humiliation, Richard will scoot along a log, drug an anteater, and get drenched by a waterfall.
It may be his most successful monster hunt yet. On January 7th, , the comedy world was forever changed. Some said it was the sheer wattage of star power assembled in one place. Others said it was the relentless volume of hilarious jokes delivered from the stage of the Castro theater. Clown doctors with oversized stethoscopes rushed in, but were unable to revive the patient with a rubber chicken IV. He was pronounced dead from acute laughter intoxication. Anyway, what you have here is quite possibly our funniest Sketchfest Live show of all time!
Chortle at the deterioration of a Canadian marriage! Slap your knee as horrible hell monkeys die one at a time! Howl with laughter at the sight of Ned Blandford! Time Chasers, the story of a man named Nick who turns his airplane into a time machine with the aid of his beloved Commodore The two run afoul of GenCorp, an evil mega-corporation run out of the mezzanine lobby of a small local library in Rutland, Vermont.
Its ruthless CEO, J. Note - In certain parts of the movie, the audio is a tad out of sync with the video. This is actually part of the restored HD master video element from David Giancola. Welcome to Time Chasers! But, when duty calls, he becomes something even less thrilling - Measuring Man! Does he remove the thick-rimmed glasses when he becomes Measuring Man? No he does not! Besides, look at him, he definitely needs those glasses. Taking turns in various permutations to riff on a slew of old-timey shorts, the show culminates in a Super Riff-A-Palooza finale with all nine riffers on stage at once!
The guys who make movies funny, Mike Nelson, Kevin Murphy and Bill Corbett, bring their comedy chops back to the big screen when they take on one of most beloved and bizarre!
Mothra tells the story of a group of explorers who travel to a remote island, kidnap two tiny women, thereby inciting the wrath of a giant larvae which then swims the ocean, cocoons itself in downtown Tokyo, emerges as the titular Mothra and destroys everything in its path. Yes, it's a tale as old as time, but Mothra does it best! Kickstarter reward. When you think of truckers you think of a lot of things: CB Radios, speed, pee bottles, ridiculous arm wrestling training contraptions.
Truck Song aims to change that! Part of the Cyber Bonus Pack Young Mary survives a horrible car crash, tries to start her life over with a new church organist job in a small Utah town, as one does. Mike, Bill, and Kevin riffed this spooky midnight-movie cult classic live in Nashville The show includes live riffs of two shorts. The Dirt Witch, probably one of the top films ever made about witch cleanliness. Decapitations, explosions, poorly subbed in stunt doubles, mangled dialogue, prominent lion heads, and unfortunate banana hammocks abound in this extremely eighties-y nineties movie. We've also got Mr.
Paul F Tompkins! Part of the Cyber Monday Cyber-Pack. Space Mutiny! The very title conjures up many memories: tiny cars, writhing spandex-witches, deadly railings. Oh, and we guess there's a mutiny in there somewhere Riffed in its entirety for its first time ever, more Space Mutiny means there's even more Reb Brown to love. We'll also pay a visit to "The Magic Shop", a short that is not only written by H. Wells, but which also likely landed him on several neighborhood watch lists!
AND you'll get an exclusive look at the legendary hippo-gorilla hybrid that Dr. Moreau called "Way too unholy an abomination, even for me! Holiday fireplace videos. We all love them, they bring comfort and cheer to our living rooms and family gatherings. But have they ever made you laugh? The RiffTrax Yule Log burns brightly for over two hours. Enjoy the fire while along the way lots of fun RiffTraxy moments pop in -- such as bits of new Christmas riffs, original songs written and performed by the guys, classic carols, nose flutes, skits and excerpts from beloved RiffTrax hits of holidays past!
The Doctor is in the house! The RiffTrax house, that is! As the various incarnations of the Doctor join forces, they learn they are in the Death Zone on their home world of Gallifrey, fighting Daleks, Cybermen, Yeti and a devious Time Lord Traitor who is using the Doctor and his companions to discover the ancient secrets of Rassilon, the first and most powerful ruler of Gallifrey. Bill and Kevin are joined onstage by the great Paul F. Tompkins, and together they host and riff an amazing set of bizarre short films.
No semi-educational short subject is safe from this crew, as they take on party-going, farm-familying, and an old cartoon about the dangers of being a kid that must be seen to be believed. What luck! Held up by many as the Worst Movie Ever Made though the twelve people who saw Mariah Carey's 'Glitter' may strenuously disagree Ed Wood's classic has endured so long because of the fine performances of Vampira, Dudley Manlove, and of course, Tor Johnson, the Swedish wrestler and hulking tower of flesh who turns in his best work as Inspector Dan Clay, a hulking tower of flesh.
Original film made in A true cult classic -- and one of the scariest movies of all time. The dead are walking, and they hunger for human flesh. A group of panicked survivors are barricaded in a deserted farmhouse while the army of flesh-eating zombies hovers outside their door. Now experience the bone-chilling terror in color for the first time on DVD! With a 5. Nelson, this is the most fun you'll ever have with the living dead! This is it — the best movie ever made about a world-famous bouncer and his epic struggle with the evil owner of the local J.
Patrick Swayze is at his most shirtless as Dalton, a bouncer who is as comfortable quoting Zen aphorisms as he is kicking drunken men in the head. The incomparable Sam Elliot is hilarious as Swayze's grizzled but lovable mentor, growling out lines like "I'll sleep when I'm dead," and running his weathered hand through his long, gray, greasy hair. And Kevin Tighe of Lost as the owner of the titular roadhouse delivers one of the strangest performances ever committed to film. Road House is the comic mother lode and Mike takes advantage of every smashed beer bottle, throat kick, and monster car smash-up in his hilarious running commentary.
Long before the exceedingly boxy, strange-looking car, there was another Element: The Fifth Element, a clown-headed young woman in orange rubber lederhosen who held the key to saving earth from a big ball of evil…stuff. Bruce Willis is a hack as in "cab driver" who must protect her from the malevolent Zorg Gary Oldman sporting an acrylic yarmulke, novelty teeth and an accent that makes him sound like a cross between Foghorn Leghorn and Barney Fife. The yummy Ukrainian Milla Jovovich stars as Leeloo, the titular element.
Yes, earth's very existence is in the hands of someone named Leeloo. And then of course the several dozen spin-offs and spin-off sequels to follow. And so this RiffTrax deserves an awe-inspiring guest appearance by none other than Kevin Murphy, Mike's riffing companion for years on the Satellite of Love! It's a RiffTrax lover's dream come true. And Mike and Kevin promise not to make any jokes comparing the Enterprise and Charmin toilet paper.
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A drunken Australian councils a young Tom Cruise on life, love, and female undergarments. Tom and Nicole's wedding night? When young Brian Flanagan Cruise is discharged from the Army and quickly discovers that he has few job prospects, scant talent, and no discernible intelligence, he exercises his only real option and gets a job at a TGI Fridays, whipping around bottles of Blue Curacao and serving deep-fried broccoli balls to people wearing suspenders.
When Coughlin betrays his partner, Brian flees to Jamaica, puts on a cheap, Qiana jungle print shirt and resumes his half-baked act there, soon bedding down the improbably named Jordan Mooney Shue. Coughlin follows him to Jamaica. Can they rekindle their friendship? Will they get a job together tossing chicken strips around at a Carl's Jr.? Vin Diesel, the Jean-Claude Van Damme of our time, stars as Xander Cage, an underground extreme sports star who apparently lost all his hair in a tragic skydiving accident. The NSA shanghais Xander to help them bust up a dangerous group of anarchists — and what an amazingly well-organized and thorough group of anarchists they are — by using his skills at pulling the most extremely off da heezy-fo-sheezy stunts ever, bi-atch.
Samuel L. Jackson co-stars as Xander's cantankerous boss, made cantankerous, we can assume, by the fact that one side of his face is melted the result, no doubt, of a mishap while he and his nutty friends were filming a Diet Coke and Mentos stunt for YouTube.
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The film is a perfect fit for Mike's RiffTrax style, what with his deep, deep roots in the underground sports community once, when he was nine years old, he rode his bike right over a milk carton. Not very exciting on paper, but up on the big screen, it's a drive-to-L. Fueled by today's exciting pop hits, Crossroads is sure to connect with the new "youth" market we've been hearing so much about lately. Oh, and it makes for a hilarious RiffTrax. On the shadowy periphery of society lives a secret organization of mutants — despised, deformed and loathed, they live in fear of a nation that holds them in contempt.
They are comic book fans. And one of their favorites is X-Men, which tells the tale of a secret organization headed by Professor Charles Xavier, master of the mysterious brain device known as Cerebro and ideological enemy of the metal-manipulating villain Magneto. It's all very neat-o.
Iceman, Maverick and Slider: while they make great names for members of a tracksuit wearing boy band, they make even better names for shirtless, pretty boy pilots! And Tom Cruise is the prettiest and shirtless-liest of them all as Maverick, a bad boy aviator who lock horns with the large-toothed Iceman Val "The Island of Dr. And if you're a fan of music that is likely to be heard in an aerobics class, you'll love the pulse-pounding soundtrack by disco top gun Giorgio Moroder!
It will literally "take your breath away"! No breath will actually be taken away. When we say "literally" we don't literally mean it. The "whoa"s fly fast and furious as Johnny Utah Reeves , a hotshot FBI agent, pursues Bodhi Swayze , a tan little fellow with Bon Jovi's hair who dresses up in adorable little costumes and robs banks. Gary Busey the other Nick Nolte gives a powerhouse performance as Utah's partner, and Lori "Free Willy" Petty, in one of her thinnest roles, is the girl Johnny likes to sleep with. The most shocking Halloween-related thing ever -- with the possible exception of the joke about Mrs.
Ghost not being able to get pregnant because Mr. Ghost had a hollow weenie. But in a respectable 2nd place, anyway, is Halloween, the horrifying tale of an evil madman named Mike Myers as if his Simon character wasn't chilling enough who terrorizes a babysitter by putting on a jumpsuit and hiding in the hedge. A technique now widely used by custodians the world over. Featuring the blood curdling theme song by director John Carpenter in which he hits a G on a piano key times, then a C about times and then hammers on the G for a time before hitting a G and then starting the process over again and repeating it several hundred thousand times.
Because he was too chicken to sit in the dark and watch it by himself, Mike enlisted the help of his old pal Kevin Murphy for this hilarious RiffTrax. You'll scream, you'll laugh, you'll jump out of your seat! And then you should probably start watching the movie. In Earth's dirty, dystopian future, one in which every person alive is kept in a dark, moist pod and fed misinformation kind of like Manhattan, only the odors are less pungent , only one man can save us — and that man is Johnny Utah.
Wait, no — Johnny Mnemonic. Hold on, that's not it. It's some kind of car name…uh, Horizon, um…. Ram Charger — No, Neo. That's it. Led by the enterprising Morpheus, and the hot-erprising Trinity, Neo learns his fate from the Oracle, a corpulent, crusty, chain-smoking broad who is likely to put you off Oracles forever. What is the Matrix? Of all the many Binks in the world, who is the most skull-crushingly annoying? Is it the Binks Company, the Canadian insurance brokers? Is it the U. If you said anything but number three, you are imprisonably insane!
That's right, Mike Nelson and Kevin Murphy take on the franchise-ruining Star Wars that everybody loves to hate but nobody loves to watch! Only we make you want to watch it again, and laugh instead of kill! Finally, Jar Jar gets what he deserves! The scariest thing to come out of Japan since Pink Lady, The Grudge tells the story of a young woman who travels to Japan with her underwear-sniffing boyfriend and soon finds herself in the clutches of an evil curse as if having an underwear-sniffing boyfriend wasn't bad enough.
Bill Pullman co-stars, sort of, in that he speaks several lines of dialogue. In contrast to a high body count slasher film, The Grudge is infused with a suffocating sense of dread, very much like an average episode of According to Jim. The greatest fantasy epic of all times is at last a RiffTrax! No, not Crossroads — we already did that. And not A Very Unlucky Leprechaun — which we haven't done yet but are seriously mulling over.
We speak of course of Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring, the thrilling tale of some short guys, some slightly taller hairy guys, some thin, fey, but slightly taller guys, some grungy, somewhat beefier, slightly taller guys, and a frighteningly hairy, older, slightly taller guy with a stick, and their quest to throw something somewhere hot.
Mike Nelson and special guest riffer Kevin Murphy go after the ultimate comedy prize in this very special two-part RiffTrax. This RiffTrax is only compatible with the Theatrical Release, not the extended edition. It does however, work for both the single side and doubled sided versions of the Theatrical Release. Viewing Suggestion: This RiffTrax was written and performed with the whole family in mind, so if you are comfortable with your children watching Lord of the Rings, this should be perfectly appropriate for them as well.
And the people cried out with one voice, "Maketh us a movie in which Marlon Brando can don a muumuu, false teeth, clown white make-up and a really gay bonnet. See that it also stareth Val Kilmer at his scenery-chewing best. And, yea, putteth the extras in hot, smelly animal suits and maketh you the plot absurd. And it was good. Truly, you must see it to believe it. The thrilling world of banking explodes across the silver screen! Harrison Ford is a bank security manager who gets more than he bargained for when a cold-blooded thief Paul Bettany breaks the little chain and steals the pen that belongs to the desk where most customers fill out their deposit slips!
And as if that weren't enough, he ups the ante, nearly emptying the entire pot of complimentary coffee into his giant, one-liter travel mug that he got from the Tom Thumb! His reign of terror continues as he gets in line for the teller and begins to fill out his deposit slip only after he gets to the counter! Oh, there are gunfights and fisticuffs and intrigue and Virginia Madsen playing put-upon wives and whatnot, but mostly, this is thrilling, non-stop, ink-spilling banking at its best! The bottom line on this ledger shows an aggregate surplus of laughs, as Mike is joined by Kevin Murphy for one fiscally sound RiffTrax!
You know Dasher, of course. And Dancer, no need to refresh your memory there. Prancer, you go way back. Vixen is as familiar to you as Comet, not to mention dear old Cupid. Donner and Blitzen, why you had them over to your house for chili just the other night. But do you recall the most famous donkey of all?
Neither do I. It offers THE authoritative biography of this under-appreciated representative of the species Equus asinus. And it makes a great RiffTrax! Note: Though this RiffTrax could probably technically pass with a "G" rating, it is not recommended for very young children. We suggest screening it first if you are unsure. A post-apocalyptic thriller that substitutes dirt and grime for any inkling of logic and probability, Reign of Fire features shirtless one-upmanship at its finest.
The cigar stub chomping Matthew McConaughey is finally chiseled into Mt. RiffTrax, making a gutsy bid to become the hardest working shirtless man in show business since The Swayze himself. Playing the Keanu-esque foil to McConaughey's Swayze, Christian Bale returns every hardened stare, lets no machismo go unanswered, no muscle flex go un-flexed back at, and he'll be damned if he puts a shirt on either.
For good measure, the writers also toss in a few dragons, and hint at the existence of thousands more. It's an old fashioned post-apocalyptic dude-off, both on the screen and in the recording booth, as Kevin Murphy joins Mike Nelson for what is sure to be your newest favorite RiffTrax involving dragons. Several years ago, it is quite likely that you were one of the millions who bought a ticket to see X-Men or Spider-Man in the theater. The massive success of these two movies convinced studio execs that the public was desperate for any and all things Superhero.
In short, it is because of you, yes you, that the film Daredevil darkens our world. Daredevil tells the story of lawyer Matt Murdock Ben Affleck , who due to a childhood accident involving toxic chemicals has no fear. He is thus able to leap off of skyscrapers and land on the ground without shattering his tibias. Along the way he encounters Elektra Jennifer Garner , who he fights on a teeter-totter, Bullseye Colin Farrell , who embraces every stereotype about the Irish, namely that they have really good aim and Michael Clarke Duncan, who plays against character for once, in his groundbreaking role as A Really Big Guy.
Only a fool would choose to leap headfirst into such a world of second tier heroes on his own, and Mike, despite voluntarily spending hours of his time watching Daredevil, is no fool. It's a trio of crime fighting Riffiness that no Riffaholic should Riff without. In the year man is an endangered species, enslaved, severely unshowered, beholden to a cruel alien race fond of dreadlocks and really impractical boots.
Only one man can break the yoke of slavery and lead mankind to victory over their cruel tyranny. And that one man is television character actor Peter MacNicol. Wait — slight error there. Salt of the earth, Peter MacNicol, but it's not him. Actually, the one man who can break the yoke of slavery and lead mankind to victory is Johnny Goodboy Tyler Barry Pepper , if you can believe that.
Yes, Battlefield Earth, L. Helping Mr. Yes, the MST3K gang is back together in full force to take on the most legendary cinematic blunder since whatever Joel Schumacher's last film was. A more fitting tagline might have been, "What the hell was that? Seriously, what was that? Was the director spraying Pam cooking spray into a paper bag and huffing the fumes throughout the production? Was the script assembled by a madman using words clipped from Lyndon LaRouche pamphlets?
Did the actors regularly ingest a cocktail of lithium and horse tranquilizers before each scene? And Eliot — someone please explain Eliot to me, using visual aids, if you will, because I cannot even begin to grasp the barest outlines of a concept of just what the hell Eliot is or was?
Or does he just exist in some shadowy, nightmare dream world of my own creation? As it is, Rich Kyanka, the founder and proprietor of Somethingawful. It's bold enough to hire Kim Cattrall for her acting experience alone in a role that has nothing whatsoever to do with sex. And it's bold enough to pretend with a straight face that the cast of the original series shouldn't have been dry docked 20 years prior to this film. You'll laugh, you'll cry, you'll say to yourself, Who is John Shuck and how can I avoid his work from now on? Never make the mistake of thinking that Over the Top is just an arm-wrestling picture.
Oh, there's arm wrestling, all right — more arm wrestling than an 8th grade study hall. But there's also a truck. And a kid. And a whole lot of arm wrestling! And just wait till you hear the shocking secret behind Sylvester Stallone's signature "turning the hat backward" move.
Hint: it has something to do with arm wrestling! And there's arm wrestling! And if you're really good, maybe there'll be a Kenny Loggins song at key points in the movie. And arm wrestling Mike won't come out and say it, but by the glint in his eye, we suspect that this just may be the next Road House! Disembaudio co-stars in this arm-wrestlo-rama of a RiffTrax. No, those are the words of Aeon Flux creator Peter Chung regarding the big screen adaptation of the TV show he created. Peter, Peter, Peter Why the long face? You have it so good!
You want helpless? Watch yet another director hamfistedly attempt to cope with a studio's order to "Be more like The Matrix. Try Best Actress Oscar winners Charlize Theron and Frances McDormand, who must have done some hard drinking together the night before they signed up to play members of a spy sect called the "Monicans" for some reason. Want sad? Look at the latest devoted sect of fanboys whose beloved cult cartoon is now known by the general population as being "That movie with that guy from xXx.
The hilarity, much like the Relical, whatever that is , is omnipresent in this RiffTrax, and it is guaranteed to make you feel the opposite of helpless, humiliated and sad, whatever that may be as well.
A – E… ZOMBIE NETFLIX LISTING
Horror has a new name — and that name is "wicker". Once used almost exclusively in the construction of baskets and attractive outdoor furniture, wicker will now and forever after be synonymous with a terror that will chill your blood and torment your mind! Though admittedly a certain small percentage of people, rather than associating it with terror, will continue to think of their grandma's patio set. There's nothing you can do about these intractable folks but throw your hands in the air and just give up trying to change their minds where wicker is concerned. Yes, "Wicker Man" dares to depict a nightmarish world in which Nicolas Cage punches a woman in the face so that he can steal her bear costume.
And this after having stolen at gunpoint a bike belonging to a woman dressed as a magpie and then going on to knock out Leelee Sobieski by kicking her in the breadbasket. Neil LaBute has done the impossible by making the most unintentionally funny movie since "The Lake House". With such rich fare it would be unthinkable not to let Kevin Murphy in on the fun. And so we did! Kevin and Mike couldn't have had a better time with "The Wicker Man" if he'd been made of rattan!
Well, to be clear, the cockroaches show up naked as well, but without the little glowing ball of energy. Arnold must protect John Connor Nick Stahl not only from the Terminatrix, but also, because the kid is a supremely annoying presence, from all those who want to slap him, and that encompasses everyone who has ever met him. Things get complicated when a whiny young irritant named Kate Claire Danes locks John into an unhygienic dog kennel and refuses to even worm him.
Terminator 3: Rise of the Machines is a big, dumb movie filled with big, dumb people. Kevin Murphy and Mike Nelson are two big, dumb guys who are just dumb enough to take it on! All of this would be a RiffTrax dream come true — but making it even dream come true-ier is that Mike and Kevin are joined by none other than Chad Vader, brother of Darth and star of his own colossally successful internet series. It is quite simply a RiffTacular RiffStravaganza! Your favorite chicken-slaughtering candy-maker is now a RiffTrax!
Yes, Willy Wonka the older, shouting Willy Wonka, not the newer, thin, fey version , the chocolatier and inventor of a gobstopper that lasts a good deal longer than the older, short-lived gobstoppers, gets the treatment from Mike and special guest Riffer… wait for it… drum roll… fanfare… small burst of fireworks… Neil Patrick Harris! The result is a very special, very hilarious RiffTrax. A spine-tingling thrill ride that moves from the exotic poker tables of Montenegro, to the exotic hotel rooms of Montenegro, then back to the poker tables, then the rooms again, then a return visit to the poker table for a more extended stay, then a short rest and back to the poker table!
And there's killing, too! And lot's of sweet lovin', if you're into that. Daniel Craig inhabits the role of James Bond, the dashing MI6 agent who holds a license to kill, as well a license to wax his chest and wear tiny, undignified swimming trunks. Eva Green is Vesper Lynd, get it? And Danish actor Mads Mikkelsen stars as Le Chiffre, a sardine-faced villain and numbers genius he can make change for a dollar without punching it into the cash register!
Joining Mike is Kevin Murphy. Both Mike and Kevin have a license to Riff. Are you a fan of Star Wars but feel that there just weren't enough brain-stunningly idiotic names for your taste? Do you like the Lord of the Rings films but find they move too quickly and make too much sense? Then you need help! That is, then Eragon is the film for you! Ostensibly about some punk who finds a dragon egg, Eragon is actually a poignant onscreen documentation of the decline of Jeremy Irons, whose eye bags, if there were any justice, would have received third billing.
And it's also a showcase for first time actor - um- can't remember his name. Really made no impression one way or the other. In fact, was he even in the film? But mostly it's an opportunity to watch John Malkovich turn in a performance that had to - HAD TO - be a direct challenge to the director, "Please, fire me. I'm begging you to fire me. I'll do a take like this and then you'll have to fire me. Wait,I'm still not fired? If you're a fan of movies that feature screaming, megalomaniacal divas and their relationships to shirtless guys, you have so far been limited to Barbra Steisand's "A Star is Born".
But now, like a nut-covered cheese log from heaven comes Mariah Carey's "Glitter" - the film that, more than even her decade long string of unlistenable pop songs, landed her in the loony bin where she spent several months writing lyrics on the padded walls of her recovery room using a thick crayon held between her toes. Halle Berry a. No one, not even Mike, is dumb enough to take this one without some serious help. A true RiffTrax event! Something lurks in the dense jungle. Something horrible and cruel, a creature from beyond our world. His name is Arnold Schwarzenegger.
He lurks next to another unspeakable creature named Jesse Ventura. And another, goes by the handle Carl Weathers. Who himself lurks next to a monstrous slab of flesh known as Bill Duke. Together, they face down a creature who, quite understandably, hunts them for their skulls, hoping to fetch a fair price for them at the many Open Skull Markets that dot the galaxy.
If you haven't been to one, you must go. Take the kids, because the markets are very family friendly and they have these great Hawaiian Ice stands. And, of course, there's the skulls. Predator unseals a whole tin of whoop-bottom, trotting out cliches like so many, well, like so many boiled human skulls at the terrific Open Skull Market on Nespus VIII honestly, I know I sound like I'm raving, but it really is just a great way to spend a Saturday, and it's fairly reasonable, too.
Finally, a good use for your Predator DVD that isn't "propping up that one corner of the entertainment stand, the one whose castor you snapped off when you were moving out of that place on Spring Street because you just couldn't hack sharing a place with Beezer anymore, on account of his socks. This is the hugely successful, boldly innovative show that dares to tell its story in the unlikeliest setting imaginable — a hospital! But where Grey's Anatomy really ploughs new ground is in its use of attractive young lead actors, and the moody, radio friendly hits of some of today's top artists!
And unlike St. Navigating the complex emotional core of Grey's Anatomy would be impossible without the help of Bridget Nelson, a writer, performer and MST3K alum, who joins Mike for back to back episodes. Most film adaptations of comic books skimp on the amount of fantastic-ness, offering at best one or perhaps two units of fantastic-osity.
Not Fantastic Four! It goes the extra mile by providing THREE 3 fantastic characters plus a bonus character who's not so much fantastic as he is a fantastic irritant, in the spirit of battery acid on the skin or airplane glue in the eyes. Plus, Fantastic Four gives you a villain who looks and acts as though he were carved out of large log of congealed tallow!
And while other movies might cast Jessica Alba in a lead role and then task her with giving a performance, Fantastic Four plays to her strengths by avoiding any performance at all and instead merely parades her around in a tighter-than-skin Spandex suit. Star Trek: Generations — truly a loving gift from one generation to the next. Much like that pound, 10 percent water-added Danish ham that your uncle Clark who lives in Rockford mailed to you on Thanksgiving, the one that cracked open in transport and arrived at your doorstop in a brine soaked box, stinking like a week old corpse.
Yes, this is the legendary Star Trek that at long last teams two of the series' most enduring elements — Scotty, and a size 74 uniform. Not to mention a performance by respected British actor Malcolm McDowell that can only be described as, well, dis-un-respect-ulating. And Klingon cleavage? Generations has it in great heaping mounds! Mike and Kevin Murphy climb once more unto the breach for a fun-filled, intergenerational riff.
A small band of brave men struggle against enormous odds, battling a superior force, and though ultimately they are defeated their sacrifice becomes a source of inspiration and hope that rings out like a clarion call through the pages of history. But enough about the Mighty Ducks. To a soundtrack of ersatz Nine Inch Nails. Starring Gerard Butler as a shrieking inarticulate Scotsman so in other words "a Scotsman" , delivers on its promise to be the bloodiest movie since Carrie 2: Carrie vs. Though it should be noted that in lieu of blood, utilized digital globs of diluted road tar.
Imagine waking up in an unfamiliar place, unable to recall where you live, what you're doing there, or even your own name. Now imagine for the first time in your life it wasn't a direct result of your downing eleven pints of Guinness and then agreeing to do a Lemon Drop shooter with Jimmy T. Now imagine that you began to discover you had mysterious talents -- talents that didn't involve the ability to stand next to the open refrigerator door in your underpants and drink a half gallon of Minute Maid Pulp Free directly from the pitcher without stopping for air.
Now imagine you are Matt Damon. Why, the mere thought of it is to stare into a bottomless well of agony. Yet Matt Damon awakes to that fresh horror every morning of his life the horror of discovering that he remains Matt Damon, not all that stuff about his memory. That happens to his character in that one movie — what's it called?
My memory's not so good. Anyway, the point is that Bourne Identity is a pulse-pounding thriller that goes from the exotic…um, somethings of somewhere to the even more exotic — look, it's tough to recall all the little things, I'm just a little fuzzy today. Suffice it to say that Bourne Identity makes for a terrific RiffTrax — and the fact that Mike is joined by Kevin Murphy and Bill Corbett, well, that's just -- what do you call it, that brown runny stuff — gravy! In every single one of the million aliens-come-to-earth movies that had come before it the aliens were malevolent, bent on man's destruction, but Independence Day changed all that.
Yes, the alien's were once again malevolent, but this time Judd Hirsch was in the movie! Never before had this even been dreamt of, putting Judd Hirsch in a film. It was a brazen move, one almost as stunning as casting Bill Pullman as the president of the United States as opposed to taking the obvious path and casting him as a guy at a Rapid Oil Change who says, "Ahead.
Little more. Okay, stop. Not only that, Independence Day dares to feature one of the most ineffective inspirational speeches since those delivered in a bunker in Berlin in late April And we'd like to thank you in advance for your anticipated cooperation in our tire kicking, fire lighting scheme. Imagine, just imagine, if ordinary citizens suddenly began to discover that they have acquired extraordinary powers. Envoi par poste poss. Cd1 1.
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